I want to be a runner.

I used to run almost everyday. At least 5 times a week. I typically did at least 3 miles, sometimes 5. Confession, I can't even do one full mile right now. It frustrates me. I'm doing the Couch 2 5k plan right now. Partly so that I have a set schedule, partly to see what my abilities truly are. I'm on week three, I think. 2 repetitions of: run 1:30, walk 1:30, run 3:00, walk 3:00. I have timed out on 3 out of 4 3:00 running stretches. It's annoying. I always punish myself by running during my walk time, and I add all the time I "took off" back to the end of the routine. And I run it. I'm mad at myself, but I do it.

It might sound like I'm complaining, but here's the good part. For a long time, I have tried to think of people who "can't" run and run for them. This really humbles me and pushes me. Sometimes it's my granny. Or my uncle who had knee surgery recently. Or Christopher Reeves. Or someone I saw that day in a wheelchair.

Today, it was Adam Hubbs. Who is Adam Hubbs? Adam is a 16-year-old boy battling a rare blood disorder, who also recently suffered a stroke, paralyzing his left side. He lives in Illinois. I've never met him. David and I were watching ESPN the other night when they aired a segment on different athletes from different sport granting "wishes" from kids who are part of the Make-A-Wish Foundation. By the end of the segment, tears were streaming down my face. This kid grew up playing football. Even as a little league-er he dreamed of going pro. (Ok, so a lot of kids do, but that's besides the point.) Slowly, that was all stripped of him. But here he is, 16 years old, walking around as best as he can and trying to live fully.

That wasn't always the case, though. If you watch the segment, you'll hear this kid talk about how he wanted to die. He couldn't take anymore. He was miserable. And then he turned. Maybe he doesn't always have a 100% positive outlook everyday, but something he said really got to me and pulled on my heart:

"I guess God picked my because I'm strong enough and other people aren't."

Very simply put, but what courage and humility did that take! Yes, I should be grateful to be ABLE to run. Even more-so, I am grateful that God picked me for the life I've had. In my flesh, I would go back and change a lot of things. A LOT. I still get mad about things that have happened to me and to those around me in the past. But in my heart, I "know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him..." Romans 8:28.

I also know that God never promised things would be easy. In fact, he says the opposite!

"I have told you these things, so that me you may have peace. In this world YOU WILL HAVE TROUBLE. But take heart! I have overcome the world." -John 16:33

People say the road isn't always easy. Honestly, it rarely is. But how pretty the roads in heaven!

For Adam's segment with Tim Tebow:

My Wish: Adam Hubbs meets Tim Tebow - ESPN

Oh, how He loves us so...

Everytime I hear this song, I cry. Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot.

The first time I heard this song was the night that Heaven gained a new angel (Hey, Heath!). This was so hard to hear... "But Lord, he's gone... you took him from us..." were my first thoughts when it began to play. Yet somehow, I became overcome with the desire to reach to the heavens and worship. Though I didn't understand God's plan or why things happened, I knew without a doubt He loved me... I've always known it, but I know many of us needed reassurance that night. I think we got it.

Now, nearly a year later, that song still makes me well up. My throat gets tight. My eyes get watery. I get a little sweaty. I am overcome and overwhelmed by how completely and unconditionally He loves us, how He loves ME! When I really thought about it, my conversation with God went a little like this:

"I'm a sinner."

"I love you."

"I don't always say nice things."

"I love you."

"My temper gets the best of me at times."

"I love you."

"I wasn't a good example of you today."

"I love you."

"You make me mad sometimes."

"I love you."

"But why?"

"I just love you. Always have. Always will. Nothing, NOTHING!!! will separate you from My Love."

He loves the sinner. He is good when there is nothing good in me. I am only "good" because He is GOOD. I only love because He loves me. I want to love like that.

I was raised never to judge people. My parents and my sisters taught me so well how to do that. I admit I slip up some (a lot of) times. I give a "once-over" to a passerby, and my thoughts go where they shouldn't. I want to see a passerby and look at them and see them as Christ does. Full of awe and wonder and delight and love. I want to whisper prayers to God to bless them on their way.

I am not perfect. I don't even strive for perfection anymore because the only "perfect" that every walked this earth died thousands of years ago. So, I strive to be more like Him. I will never be perfect. I'm okay with that.

Man... can you believe the Love He lavishes over us? It's incredible.

I probably sound like everything in life has always been peachy. That this was an easy road to find and that I've always followed it. Not the case. But I learned a long time ago to look for Him in it all. The beauty in the rain. The way the colors change in a burning flame. The precious smile in the "deformed" person. (I don't like words like that. I put them in "" because I use words of the world.) The intellect and creativity in an autistic. The joy of a child with Down's. The colors of fall. The blooms of spring. The cozy blanket and hot chocolate in the bitter winter. The life after death.

He moves. He breathes. His mercies are new every morning. He wipes our slate clean everytime we cry out His name. He hurts when we hurt. He laughs when we laugh. He holds us when we're mad, even we're mad at Him. He rejoices over us and delights in us, despite our sinful nature.

How great His love for us.

God just made me laugh. As I was trying to pull some lyrics, "How He Loves Us" began to play on Pandora (my favorite version, too!). Thanks, God. I'll take that as affirmation to hit "publish post."

"We are His portion and He is our prize,

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

He loves us
Oh how He loves us,

How He loves us all..."